self reflect

sometime we tend to choose live in the imagination world where in the imagination world we can control most of the things.

But what goes on in the real world?? we always cant accept the fact that we are old, cure, stubborn, etc where we use to give ourself a tone of reason to covered. Hence we tend to forget the nature of us.

Do you know why i like to watch real story based movie? it really reflect our thinking how the real world happened. How people living and encountered in their life.

Have a lot of thinking today, just a moment ago my mind keep on flashing the picture by picture of a person. Where i felt im so unfamiliar. although we just so close but i seem i cant understand what this people think. How come i felt far?? I'm starting to doubt myself again today, am i change? i think everyone of us change.

2013 ??

Today i finally went to see tarot cards,

To see how the things goes for 2013,

Apparently its seem accurate,

To displayed my current feeling,

To tell what my mind is thinking,

To let me finally decide to let go,

This might not 100% tell where i should go,

But somehow i felt is a god guide,

for me know should i wait or let go,

i should let go, 

let go the pass that not belong to me,

let go the feeling that bothering me so much,

let go the heavy heart,

i always tell myself don't cried,

not worth cried for nothing,

i should empty this space,

for the better placement,

Test

Everyday i felt god is giving me test,

test to endure,

test to accept,

test to face it,

test to love,

test to forgive,

test to feel graceful,

when this test will end?

personally i have no idea,

maybe to the day i feel tired,

how was the result of these test?

can i score an ideal marks?

every time when i would like to score,

i felt somehow i failure in some part,

the part that pull be back to the starting point

failure 2013

010113 what this mean?
started to think again,
i should think again and again,
when will the time for me?
to review and refresh again?
why i waste so much time?
to the no ending result?
im just so confuse,
and so stuborn,
plese let me go

Sleepless

Another sleepless night,

Cried again,

What went wrong??

Can i be mean?

Can i be selfish?

Can i let it go?

Please help me

I'm

Everyone said I'm a lovely and sweet girl,
Somehow i found it curious and doubt,
Am i really that?

I really not understand myself,
the stubborn me keep on let it go,
no matter how many times i cried,
how many litter of tears,
seem things never on my side,

the tough girl in front all of you,
someday also will tired,
she also need a shoulder to lend,
need a shoulder to hold her tears,

pls put a stop of it,

Mixes of cry

Cry can be so many meaning,

 happy can cry, sad can cry,

 touching can cry, doubt can cry, 

event watch drama also can cry, 

what makes you cry?

Mixed feeling right now 

where the sad and sorry feel make uneasy. 

Tomorrow is Xmas eve..

did you hear me mr. Santa?

I hope you did read my letter.